play « deeples

March 6, 2009

Friday. We’ll leave it at that.

Filed under: Blogging — Tags: donut holes, fight dance, kitchen, nostril, play — denise @ 11:53 am

ACT I

Setting: Kitchen, our house, 7:15am.

[Enter Wife, who busies herself with making coffee and opening the donut holes she purchased at Target the night before. Husband is leaning against counter. Eating what appears to be a cookie.]

Scene 1

Wife: You want coffee? [her back to him, while she shuffles things on the counter around to reach the coffeemaker]

Husband: Yeah. I need to get an early start today.

Wife: [whirls around, fists in the air] OH YEAH?!!! (challenging)

Husband: [leaps into fighting stance] Are you challenging me to a Dance Off?!

Wife: Prepare to meet your doom, sucka.

Husband weaves around in a circle in a half limbo stance. Wife, encumbered by large pregnant belly, busts out a complicated plethora of arm dance moves that embraces both the beauty of “The Vogue” and the historical preclivities of Cleopatra. Both are intensely staring threateningly at one another.

Husband: [knowing he is bested] I’d say that’s a tie.

Wife: We both know I just wiped the floor with you with my bad-ass sweet moves.

Husband: It was almost a tie…

Wife: You got served.

Scene 2

Wife hands Husband cup of coffee. Gestures toward open container of powdered donut holes.

Wife: Hole?

Husband: [opens mouth]

Wife puts donut hole in Husband’s mouth. Husband unwisely decides to pull entire hole into his mouth, instead of just taking a bite.

Husband: MMPPPH!

Wife: [smirking] Got a little situation now, do we?

Husband: MMMMPH! RRRRRLGGG! [looking wildly around the kitchen]

Wife: Dude. What are you looking for?

Husband: MMHARG RLLLLLALGA!!!

Wife: That little glob of dough has turned to spackle, eh?

Husband: EEEEEERRRRRRRBB. [reaches in fridge for a Diet Mountain Dew, pops it open and slams it]

Husband: Jesus Christ. That was terrible.

Wife: It certainly didn’t look recommended.

[Wife pauses, then turns around, powered donut hole in hand]

Wife: Hole?

ACT II

Setting: At work, in cubicle. Talking over the wall to coworker.

Wife: What is that noise?

Coworker: What noise?

Wife: [pauses] There! That noise.

Coworker: I don’t hear it.

[they both pause to listen]

Wife: Never mind. My nose is whistling. It’s my right nostril.

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October 1, 2008

Foe Molly? – A one act play

Filed under: Family,Love — Tags: cookie, faux mauly, faux molly, kichen, kissing, Kory, play — denise @ 4:35 am

Set: Kitchen, in never-before-seen state of being almost bare and yet somehow messy, as Kory Husband is going to be painting the kitchen with his buddies tomorrow. (Read: slap on some paint and drink beers and take 27 smoke breaks until one of them dares the other ones to see what happens if they mix all the cleaning products under the sink together and then breath in the fumes.)

Wife is surreptitiously eating The Baby’s sugar cookie from Perkins. She appears to be eating it sneakily and guiltily even though she is almost certain her daughter didn’t even know she HAD a cookie from Perkins.

Husband walks in kitchen. Seeking coffee. And more…….

ACT I

Husband: Gimmee some sugar.

[Husband makes “eyebrows” at Wife]

Wife: [Crumbs on face and sprinkled across her bosom, an area of such food collection capability, if is commonly referred to as her “SNACK TRAYS”] I’m eating a cookie.

Husband: [grabbing Wife] So? Give me a kiss.

[Wife gives Husband chaste, quick kiss]

Husband: [affronted] No! A REAL kiss.

Wife: Hoooooooney. I am eating a cookie. I have food in my mouth. On my mouth. In my hands. On my shirt.

Husband: I don’t care. I like the food on your…… shirt……… [A lot a lot a lot of eyebrow waggles]

[Wife, sighing, giving off definite “I am really being inconvenienced, here”, body language. She leans in and gives the same type of kiss but like 7 or 8 times – machine gun- style. kiss!kiss!kiss!kiss!kiss!]

[Husband makes assumption that this is the start of something]

[An uncomfortable moment happens when Wife pulls back, done with kissing, and takes a bite of her cookie while Husband is still partially kissing the air in the space that Wife used to occupy]

Husband: More. [A directive]

[Wife leans in to give more kiss!kiss!kiss!-type action and Husband grabs wife and kisses her in a way that appears as if he is about to cover her face with his mouth like a scuba mask.]

[Wife breaks away, laughing]

Wife: You’re being all….. MAULY……..!

Husband: Not really. [Grinning] I’m being faux mauly.

Wife: Did you just say FAUX MAULY?!

[Husband smiles and leaves the room with his coffee, brushing cookie crumbs off his shirt, with the certain knowledge that he just made the blog.]

[Curtain closes]

THE END

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