March 28, 2008

The Dude.

Filed under: Uncategorized — denise @ 8:07 pm

93% of my Idol blog somehow got deleted, which means I have it all noodling around in my noggin…but the words do not exist in a form that can be easily read by others not possessing the power of telepathy.  Ugh.  Humans!

So, at 9pm on a Friday, I have no other choice than to present the Dude.  The KorMasterFlash.  The man. The hair. The legend…

I really can’t recommend enough marrying a man with gravity-defying hair. It just makes life so fun.

The Baby pulls on his hair and he just nuzzles her…

He is the Daddy. The Hubs.  The Dude.

I’m keeping him.

Lutsen Haikus

Filed under: friends,Travel — Tags: , , , — denise @ 3:02 am

Lutsen haikus

So, every year we go to Lutsen, MN with a gaggle of our friends. We rent this big executive cabin and 10-15 people head up there and for several days everyone gets loaded and plays games, watches movies, plays guitars, walks around in the nature, throws shit at the seagulls, hangs out, reads, plays cribbage, smokes, eats, eats, eats…

We also have a special tradition of creating haikus.  You know, the poems? That you learned about in the 4th grade?  5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables….

It’s a little hard to explain, but we all sit around the giant wooden table and in the middle are tons of pieces of paper and pens. The only rule is that you can’t write 2 lines in a row.  You might grab a blank sheet and  write the first line of 5 syllables — then you throw it back in the mix.  Someone else grabs it and writes the next line of 7 syllables and throws it back in. Someone else grabs it and finishes it…. and will often start the next one, as well.  When we have 30 or 40 of them – we all get up and go outside and take turns reading them aloud.

You might be spinning your finger in the air in the internationally known gesture for “whoooo -peee” right now, but it’s much funnier than you think.  We all look forward to it — and each of us spends several days when we got home trying to stop our brains from counting the syllables in everything we and other people say.  Every year there are some reoccuring themes — last year, the Pope had just died that morning, so that was one of the themes – sex, drugs, drinking, poop and anything else inappropriate are always popular… and just plain funnier than other subjects.

Here are some of my favorites from the ’05 trip:


(and maybe have a few cocktails first, these are much funnier when drinking…)

Freddy got fingered

Who is this Fingered Freddy?

Dude, check your name tag!

Oh, blessed divorce!

I think I am in trouble

God saw me, that time


Soviet tanks roll

The red-light district is full

Flat Russian hookers


You never know when

Life will hand you lame lemons

Small fruity crutches


No corn in my poop

That’s odd, I’m a corn aphid

Your ass is my home


 Here I go again

Sometimes I no wait, that’s you

Stop being me, jerk!


When does it all end?

Post apocalypse, you mean?

No dummy Viagra


Cool pistachio

Brown, like your mustachio

Fuck Ralph Macchio

Hey!  It’s time to go

Pope John Paul thought to himself

So tired of shaking


I am so stupid!

You’ve got nothing on me, friend

‘Cept the stupid part

March 27, 2008

A Friday List

Filed under: Listy McListerton — denise @ 9:42 pm

Things that are never quite as good as it seems like it will be, by it’s name:

  • lemon grass
  • Mannheim Steamroller
  • Trickle down economics

Things I would like to say to a policeman someday:

  • “I’m not sure I agree with your detective work, there, Lou.”
  • “Define ‘red’.”
  • “This is exactly why a black man can’t get ahead in this society.”

Places it would suck to work for, but I secretly know I would kick ass at:

  • Old Navy
  • Let’s Dish!
  • Dunder Mifflin

Signs that it’s not going to be a good commute to work:

  • I’m already using sarcasm: “Oh, please, make yourself at home! Welcome to this lane. It’s so nice to see you.”
  •  I’m having that reoccuring fantasy in which I have a small billboard on my car that I can telepathically populate with whatever I’m thinking.  For example, “Hi Dickweed. You just drifted into my lane and caused me to have a partial heart-attack and swerve all over the road, just because you have no concept of the general agreement that we all stay between our goddamned lines while we drive. DICKWEED. (or did I already say that?)
  • Sade comes on my XM radio.
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