deeples

Mass Murdering Pretty Bugs For Dummies

July21

Driving home after returning The Teen back into the care of his father I suddenly find myself under attack by a glowing green splatterishness.

My imagination IMMEDIATELY takes over.   A Ford spaceship?

Something much, MUCH HOLY SHIT WORSE?

Actually, I’m way off base.  Turns out, it’s just the most poorly placed bug gathering EVER.

What’s worse, when I realize that I am, in fact, MASS MURDERING glow bugs with my vehicle, I lose it.

I go immediately and completely creep out,slap my body, think I’m covered in bugs crazy.  You know, while driving 75 miles an hour down a dark Iowa highway.

Also, I’m wearing REALLY UNFORTUNATE ACCESSORIES for the occasion.

And, in the end, like so many things in my life… I am left conflicted and confused by my own morbid curiosity.

Also, I really, REALLY need a car wash.

posted under Life, Travel | 1 Comment »

Lutsen Haikus

March28

Lutsen haikus

So, every year we go to Lutsen, MN with a gaggle of our friends. We rent this big executive cabin and 10-15 people head up there and for several days everyone gets loaded and plays games, watches movies, plays guitars, walks around in the nature, throws shit at the seagulls, hangs out, reads, plays cribbage, smokes, eats, eats, eats…

We also have a special tradition of creating haikus.  You know, the poems? That you learned about in the 4th grade?  5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables….

It’s a little hard to explain, but we all sit around the giant wooden table and in the middle are tons of pieces of paper and pens. The only rule is that you can’t write 2 lines in a row.  You might grab a blank sheet and  write the first line of 5 syllables — then you throw it back in the mix.  Someone else grabs it and writes the next line of 7 syllables and throws it back in. Someone else grabs it and finishes it…. and will often start the next one, as well.  When we have 30 or 40 of them – we all get up and go outside and take turns reading them aloud.

You might be spinning your finger in the air in the internationally known gesture for “whoooo -peee” right now, but it’s much funnier than you think.  We all look forward to it — and each of us spends several days when we got home trying to stop our brains from counting the syllables in everything we and other people say.  Every year there are some reoccuring themes — last year, the Pope had just died that morning, so that was one of the themes – sex, drugs, drinking, poop and anything else inappropriate are always popular… and just plain funnier than other subjects.

Here are some of my favorites from the ’05 trip:

(READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!)

(and maybe have a few cocktails first, these are much funnier when drinking…)

Freddy got fingered

Who is this Fingered Freddy?

Dude, check your name tag!

Oh, blessed divorce!

I think I am in trouble

God saw me, that time

 

Soviet tanks roll

The red-light district is full

Flat Russian hookers

 

You never know when

Life will hand you lame lemons

Small fruity crutches

 

No corn in my poop

That’s odd, I’m a corn aphid

Your ass is my home

 

 Here I go again

Sometimes I no wait, that’s you

Stop being me, jerk!

 

When does it all end?

Post apocalypse, you mean?

No dummy Viagra

 

Cool pistachio

Brown, like your mustachio

Fuck Ralph Macchio

Hey!  It’s time to go

Pope John Paul thought to himself

So tired of shaking

 

I am so stupid!

You’ve got nothing on me, friend

‘Cept the stupid part

posted under friends, Travel | No Comments »

Getting out of dodge

March30

LUTSEN!!!!!!!

Here we come!

This should prove to be an interesting weekend… as it always is.  We’re leaving today and all 14 of us will be up there until Sunday.  I’d say there will be stories to tell but we all know – what happens in Lutsen, stays in Lutsen.

Right.  AS IF!

This is where we stay…

Kory > Lutsen '05 photo

posted under friends, Travel | No Comments »
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