deeples

#4 of 50 – We all handle it differently.

August3

Situation: The Toddler poops in her diaper, instead of on the potty.  Then lies about it vehemently.

Reaction #1 – Kory:  Ohhhhh, honey.  Why didn’t you sit on the potty if sitting on the potty would give you beans? (Beans=M&Ms).  It’s only logical that if you want beans, you have sit on the potty.  Also, it doesn’t make sense to lie about it when we can all smell it. Do you understand Daddy?  Let’s make a chart.

Reaction #2 – Kory’s parents :  It’s fine! It’s fine!  It’s not poop, it’s rainbow droppings! It’s angel mud! It’s fine and perfect that she pooped and she wasn’t lying so much as just telling a funny story about the angel mud in her diaper! PRECIOUS!

Reaction #3 – The Teen –  Someone take her from me. Now.

Reaction #4 – My mother –  Well, that is just about the most disappointing thing I’ve ever seen. All of my children were potty trained by the time they were 7 months old.  Grandma could not be more disappointed in this terrible development than if you’ve held old people at gunpoint and stolen their social security checks.

Reaction #5 – Me. – If you say there is no poop, then I’m willing to believe that because I’ve frankly changed well over my limit of diapers today.  Let me know when you want to acknowledge the non-poop in your diaper. Meanwhile, stand up-wind from me.  The poop smell is interfering with the spit up smell on my shoulder.

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#3/50- 1986 called and they’d like their problems back.

August1

Me: Whatever. That was totally your fault.

Kory: Oh RIGHT.  And I suppose acid rain is my fault, too.

Me: ACID RAIN????? DUDE! No one has mentioned acid rain in like 20 years.

Me: Um. Perestroika is your fault, too! And… and … like, parachute pants and the Iran Contra scandal!

Kory: You suck.

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#2/50 – That guy.

August1

Me:  Yo, who’s that guy in the corner again?

Kory:  (at 3am.) Mmmmbb?

Me:  That guy.  Casting that giant shadow on our wall.  Giving me YOU KNOW, THE LOOK.

Kory: Um.  What guy?

Me:  Him. *pointing*  Don’t act like you don’t know who I mean.  The guy LOOKING AT ME.

Kory: Oh. That’s SUPERION.

Me: Oh, yeah.  Super.

Kory:  Do you remember what he’s made of?

Me:  Yeah… flying Autobots.

Kory: ARIEL Autobots.  Just think of Ariel, the mermaid.

Me: Dude, I fucking know what ariel means….

Kory: *rolling over and going back to sleep*  Just trying to be helpful…

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