November 28, 2008

My mom goes all Thelma & Louise with an ex-nun.

Filed under: Family,Uncategorized — Tags: , , — denise @ 1:30 pm

I talked to my mom last night during the usual Thanksgiving Phonecall and amongst the discussion of parsnips and turkey, we had the following conversation:

Me: So, Kory said he “chatted” with you on IM yesterday.
Mom: Yes! That was a lot of fun!
Me: I think maybe you guys had some communication issues, though, because he’s a little confused about something you said…. *laughing*…. he thought you were leaving Grandma to go work somewhere over Christmas! *laughing more*
….. long pause…….
Mom: Well, I’m considering it.
Me: What is it? Where is it? Kory thought you said cleaning houses?
Me: Keeping WHOSE house, Mom? Where?!
Mom: In the Grand Canyon.
Me: The Grand Canyon. You are going to be a janitor in the Grand Canyon?
Mom: (sighing) It’s just something I’m THINKING about. I can always change my mind.
Me: Ok, explain it again slowly. I feel like I’m missing something. You are going for over a month…
Mom: No! No! It’s like maybe 2 and half weeks!
Me: Ok, you are going for 2 weeks OVER CHRISTMAS to the Grand Canyon to clean people’s houses…… for what……….purpose?
Mom: Well, to bring in some money for one thing. (Says my Master’s Degree educated mother.)
But also, you know, to do something interesting. Also, it’s not people’s homes. It’s a hotel.
Me: Okaaaay…
Me: Okay. It’s cleaning hotel rooms…. I’m just going to stand here and not judge you, ok?
Mom: *laughs* Look- I said I’m just thinking about it.
Me: But, what about Grandma? (Mom my lives with my 85 year old grandmother) You’re just going to leave her alone at Christmas?!
Mom: She said she’d be fine!
Me: But…Mom……. does she have somewhere to go?
Mom: She can… go to dinner with people… and have company… and she said…….she didn’t mind…
Me: And……ok.……. sorry, still trying to wrap my head around this one. You are going with someone?
Mom: Yes! My friend Adele!
Me: The ex-nun?
Mom: Yes. She…… well, she needs to work a certain amount to keep her unemployment.

………long pause……….

Mom: Also, it’s for a hotel. It’s doing housekeeping for a hotel.

……. long pause………..

Me: Mom, you know what people do in hotel rooms, right?
Mom: Yes DEAR… I think I can imagine what might happen in hotel rooms.
Me: Then… just… ICK… I mean really? You’d want to clean up hotel rooms?
Me: Okay……so.

So, what you are telling me is that you want to leave Grandma alone at Christmas and go with your friend, the ex-nun, to the Grand Canyon to work as a housekeeping maid for a hotel so that your friend, the ex-nun, will not lose her unemployment.

Do I have this right?

Mom: *laughs* That about sums it up.

Me: Well… um…. I applaud your sense of adventure.
Mom: It IS an adventure!!
Me: I know. That’s what I’m saying. It’s……… adventurous. That’s the nicest thing I can say about it and still stand here not judging you.
Mom: I’m just THINKING about it.
Me: Okaaay. Well, let me know what you decide…
Mom: Probably, I need to just reconsider this.
Me: Well, I’m not trying to stop you…. I mean, you know you are PRACTICALLY WRITING MY BLOG for me, right?
Mom: *sighs* Yes, honey, I know.

June 24, 2008

#25 of 30

Filed under: 30/100/30 — Tags: , , , , , — denise @ 10:08 am

“Overheard in the Lasker House”, if you will…

Me: Mom! A vacuum does not go in a grand piano!

Mom: How about a blimp?

Me: No.

Mom: (indignant) But you haven’t heard my story yet.




The Baby: Shoe! Choo-choo! Ooo-ooo! Eee-eee!

Me: Right on, sister.


Me (groggy):  Oh… I’m so happy…. finally there are muffins…. happy baby muffins…

June 17, 2008

#17 of 30 – the unabridged version

Filed under: 30/100/30,Deranged Denise — Tags: , , , , , , , , — denise @ 8:26 pm

Still in hospital.. hopefully getting out tomorrow…

Surgery went very well except that they did have to open me up.  Once they got the camera in, they could tell there was too much scar tissue to safely perfom the repair that way.  So I have an incision on the right side about 4 inches long and one on my left about 2 inches long.

My anesthesiologist was funny and caring and lovely… the nurses have all been wonderful (with the possible exception of P____, who has painfully flushed my IV without warning me first, threatened to throw Kory’s muffin away because she “doesn’t like food sitting around” – which would be fine if we were like, hanging around HER LIVINGROOM, but we essentially live in this room right now and there is no place else to put the goddamned muffin!  She also keeps forgetting about me when I ask her for something and she calls me “honey” in a “oh, it’s a poor retarded girl” way and not an endearing way. So, she’s at the bottom of the list of nice nurses….

I’ve forced myself to go against the very grain of my nature and just do what I’m told.  I’ve been walking laps around the nurses station, drinking tons of liquids, using my breathing machine, etc, etc.

Kory’s been sleeping in a chair so he can stay by me when I need him.  The meds make me itch (WHY DO ALL MEDS MAKE ME ITCH??)  and Kory has been so sweet when I wake him at 3am and ask him to scrach my back and my feet.

My roommate is an old lady who has had a heartattack AND had most of her colon removed… I know this because she’s a bit of a talker.  She’s full of complaints and thinks the nurses aren’t taking care of her. She doesn’t understand that she can bump her own pain meds and freaks out everytime an IV alarm or monitor alarm goes off (which is about every 5 minutes) … and she burps constantly like an old sheep.




Swear to god. JUST LIKE THAT.

Oddly, instead of wanting to stab her with my bendy straw and tell her to please SHUT IT because I’m dealing with my own pain, etc… I just feel sorry for her and Kory and I help her as much as we can by calling the nurse for her, listening when she talks, etc…  she’s had no visitors and I’ve had many.

Even now, waiting for the Percocet to kick in so I can sleep, I know how lucky I am.  The presents from my team, the “smile in a box” that I got in the mail from Dani… my mom flying here from Tucson to help take care of me and The Baby, Kory’s parents taking The Baby so both my mom and my husband can be with me…the phone calls and emails from my friends, coworkers and boss… the 3 bouquets of flowers that ALL had gerbera daisies in them… CaraLin and her daughter, Peanut, who drove all the way here to see me…  I’m lucky.

I’m luck

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