If my daughter had a hero, a GREAT LOVE… it would be Strawberry Shortcake. She owns several things (that I am sure were sanctioned by Strawberry, herself) like: Strawberry Blowup Thingy ala Minnesota State Fair ’07 and Strawberry socks and Strawberry books. But the great love, the THING THAT MAKES TIME ITSELF STOP (if time= screaming tired toddler wailing, “BABY! BABY! BABY!”. Rinse. Repeat.) is her hair.
Our darling girl has a bit of a “hair fetish” which probably has nothing or everything to do with the fact that I have long hair but WHATEVER… and will now only go to sleep while holding hair of some sort, which is right up there with other brilliant parental decisions like the time I decided to cut The Teen’s hair (back when he was 7 years old) at midnight when I was dead on my feet and almost cut one of his ears off. And yes, there was blood and crying. Yes. I know. Go ahead and gloat now over your fantastical parentitude. Just WAIT. Your time will come.
ANYWAY, Kory got the brilliant idea of buying a doll that has hair that The Baby can hang on to while she falls asleep and he bought her this:
And it was an actual miracle.
She LOVED this Strawberry baby and her tons of Strawberry hair and her Strawberry scent.
After much loving and twisting and grabbing and slobbering, she looks more like this, now.
Except without the rapper/millionaire husband and yachts and shit.
So, when I decided to go Mild Wild a few weeks ago and add some pinky/purpley/reddish stripes to my hair, The Baby was immediately interested.
Had Mommy, in fact, moved to the Berrypatch?
Was she berry, berry happy to be making new berry friends in Strawberry Land?
This is Strawberry Shortcake, kids:
This is her bio:
Strawberry Shortcake is a berry sweet , spunky red-haired girl with enough optimism to fill a strawberry field! She believes things are growing better all the time, and puts her heart into all she does! No wonder she has so many berry good friends!
This is MY new persona…
This is her bio:
Boysenberry Poundcake (or Boyz, to her friends) is a latecomer to Strawberry Land. She is a 37 year old throwback with a newly developed tic in her right eye! She can’t remember if she should take potassium for that or NOT take potassium so she is avoiding bananas, which is her natural inclination, anyway. Boyz does not concern herself with tea parties and sleepovers like Blueberry Muffin and Apple Dumplin’. In fact, Boysenberry and her big ass would just as soon read a good book and have a berry nice evening cocktail.
Like all good inhabitants of Strawberry Land, Boysenberry Poundcake has her own pet! Strawberry Shortcake has her kitty Custard and her doggie Pupcake!
This is Boysenberry’s pet:
As you may have guessed, Boysenberry Poundcake likes to project a berry “Don’t Fuck With Me” image.
…………..
Most characters in Strawberry Land also have accessories! Like backpacks! And brushes! And tea sets!
These are Boysenberry Poundcake’s accessories:
All the berry good friends in Strawberry Land have a few enemies like The Purple Pieman and Sour Grapes.
Boysenberry Poundcake only truly fears one villian:
CREME BUSHE!
Fortunately, his character is scheduled to be canceled in less than 6 months!
Boyz is berry, berry pleased with that. She’s hoping the newest member of the BerryPatch will be:
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