First and foremost– A GIANT THANK YOU to my friend Chad (who did not get a perm) for pointing me in EXACTLY the right direction with regard to a certain problem that my brain had been noodling over for a few weeks now. You are the BEST!
Headband Boy Who Won’t Stop Crying and Jason Hervey from The Wonder Years!
Chad’s opinion is that “even if Headband Boy does the best performance the world has ever seen of “Let’s Get Physical” this week, he still should not go on!”
You should know, Chad is a man of strong opinions.
There has been a strange trend of dudes doing girl songs… and not just semi-girl songs, but really, really girls songs. Mariah, Cher, JoDee Messina, Christina…. it’s…. odd.
I’m pretty pleased with the results from last week. I think Nate‘s performance of “Satisfaction” was my favorite performance of his so far. For the first 30 seconds, I was really worried when he was doing all those weird Steve Martin pretending to be sexy lip moves – but the end was really amazing.
I like Alison (aka, the new Kelly Clarkson who somehow looks both like a 16 year old and a 43 year old housewife and the same time…) so I was happy to see her go through.. and Kris… well, I feel like Kris and I just met. I’m not a fan of the Michael Jackson tunes, particularly, and there’s something strange about his jaw. It’s… you know… jutty. But I’m willing to give the guy a shot.
I thought I really liked Kai, but instead of looking/sounding all laid back and Mraz-y and looking like a Hawaiian Spiccoli, he was sort of swarthy and weird. I liked Stevie in Hollywood and was sad to see her sing for the entire alloted time in key totally different than the music. And friends, I am TICKLED PINK that Megan, Miss I Have One Tattoo’d Arm.. Miss Hair Down To My Toes… Miss Dislocated Shoulders Shimmy Shimmy did not make it through.
A conversation I had during her performance:
Me: What the hell is she doing with her shoulders? Why are her arms wagging around?
Kory: That’s so weird.
Me: DAAAAAOOOOOWN DAAAAOOOOWWNNNNN Why is she saying “down” like that?
Me: Seriously, what is wrong with her mouth? Why is she singing like English is her second language?
Kory: She’s just a little , “Aren’t I too precious” for me.
Exactly! I was worried the judges comments would sway the SWAYABLES, but thankfully not. Of course, she could be brought back as a wild card…. at which time I will have apoplectic fits.
Postcards to the last batch:
Darlin’, you are cute as a bug in a rug. You have a good voice…. a likability.
However, you have stop trying to take down cement walls with your voice. You are not an X-Men. We do not need to hear you from across a football field. You have a microphone, dear. It means, you can sing like you would to someone sitting just a few feet away from you and we will all hear it. No need to make the paint peel. You dig?
You know… and I know…. and the judges know… and your momma knows…. you are going to pick the wrong song. It will be too old. Or too young. Too upbeat. Too soulful. It won’t showcase your voice. Or it will have too many runs. No matter what you have done, they judges have always told you what you are doing is WRONG. I know you are confused. I know it doesn’t seem fair.
But like a break up that NEEDS to happen with a person you really don’t want to hurt…. sometimes, it’s just easier to keep picking apart the little stuff until that person just sort of leaves on their own, defeated in their realization that nothing they do will ever be good enough. It’s cowardly, but shit happens.
Bet you a dollar.
I…um…. don’t get it.
I’m pullin’ for you this week. I’d still like Kristen to get top female, but I’d love to see you take the 3rd seat. I love your voice, your quiet determination… and your life story? You and your hubs and kids living in a hotel room? Man… that kills me.
Kory is flumoxed by your name… Lil Rounds…. because he thinks it’s all Lil’Kim-esque. You have to admit, it’s got a touch of the Stripper about it… but for now, I’m determined that it’s your real name — maybe short for Lily or Lilleth. And that Rounds is your birth or married name and not a notable quotable about your anatomy…
Please do not do anything by Whitney. That is all.
Your friend, Deeples
Other fun things to watch for:
- The roughneck trying to perch on his tiny silver scoop on stage for the results show — AGAIN!
- Ryan and Simon’s simmering bromance of double entendre !
- Paula telling someone they can sing the phonebook! Because it’s so clever!