Hooooooooly shit. Look at all this FOG.
This is like Fresno. Or Chicago. No, wait that’s the WINDY City.
Is there a foggy city? Maybe London?
New York City was foggy. Except that fog REEKED.
So, maybe it wasn’t fog? Also, that fog seemed to come from the grates in the street…
Which probably means that it wasn’t fog. It was something like sewage gas. Gross.
I sure wish I hadn’t done the Marylin Monroe pose over one of those grates. I probably have latent sewer gas molecules on my thighs. DOUBLE GROSS.
I can’t see a thing. This fog is so thick. I think I will text message Kory and Steph and tell them it’s really foggy.
WHOA! WHERE DID THE ROAD GO?
Maybe it’s not the best time to text people…. at 1a.m…. on a freeway, going 70 miles an hour…in the fog.
This is sort of like “The Mist”. Except without monsters. And grocery stores.
*locks the doors*
It’s getting really hard to see. I should slow down….
*runs windshield wipers*
If a monster jumped out onto the road, I wonder if I could swerve in time?
What if I swerve but it attaches itself to the car?!
How do you shake a monster off your car? Back and forth jimmy-jam movements?
Wait. I know. Speed up and then break really fast to make them fly off!
Or, is that only if they are on the hood? I mean, if the monster is hanging on the back, that won’t really do anything.. unless I DRIVE BACKWARD really fast then slam on the breaks. God, it would be really dangerous to drive backward really fast on 35W. In the fog.
If the monster breaks the window or has some sort of Mazda-melting saliva, then what?
Is it wrong the honk my horn and flash my lights to get someone to stop and help me? Or is that selfishly endangering other people? What if it’s a monster that only comes out like once every 70 years and only needs to eat one person and then everyone else is safe and it just goes away? THAT’s a dilema.
Oh my god.
What if the monster can run as fast the car and when I look over, it’ll just be loping along beside the car…like, GRINNING at me?
WHAT if I look on the other side and there is one there, too, and maybe even one behind me?
WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN PLAYING BURNOUT WITH KORY TO LEARN HOW TO DO A FANCY SPIN THING THAT WOULD GET ME AWAY FROM THE GANG OF LOPING, GRINNING MONSTERS?!!!!!!
Holy Christ.
What if, I just suddenly hear a voice from the backseat go, “Hello there.”
OH MY GOD.
What if something cold and squishy touches the back of neck and then just whispers little grunt noises?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
What if… there was suddenly a little baby on the side of the road… and so I pull over the save it, but it’s decoy! A decoy to get me to stop and then the monsters come out – or, NO FUCKING WAY, what if the BABY IS THE MONSTER??????
Or…ok…ok… what if little tiny men start crawling out of my air vents? And what if they have tiny little swords and long beards and I just start swatting at them and screaming and they swing around me on little ropes?
WHAT IF WHEN THE FOG LIFTS I REALIZE I AM THE ONLY PERSON LEFT ON EARTH?
WHAT IF I AM NOT EVEN ON EARTH ANYMORE???????????!!!
Oh.
Super America!
Stupid fog.
What were you doing out at 1 in the morning???
Gab
Comment by Gabbi — August 14, 2008 @ 11:32 am
I went with my best friend Steph and her husband to the new poker card room, Running Aces, in Forest Lake.
I was only there that late because Steph had the nerve to make the FINAL TABLE in the tournament she was playing in and finally finished 5th place out of 80. And I, of course, had to stay and watch and offer moral support, etc… but it was 1am when she was finally knocked out (and it started at 6:30pm)
And then I had a nervous breakdown driving home in the fog.
Comment by denise — August 14, 2008 @ 12:13 pm
I can’t tell you how nice it is to know that I’m not the only person who does this…
Comment by Christine — August 18, 2008 @ 11:01 am