February 28, 2008

American Idol – 10 Girls still standing

Filed under: American Idol,Television — denise @ 7:47 pm

But not for looooooong….

Alaina – “Hopelessly Devoted”

I’m sure that many of you didn’t watch the reality show, “Grease! You’re the one that I want!” I, however, did. Every. single. show. This means, for the purposes of this critique that I have heard the song “Hopelessly Devoted” sung about, oh, 300 times. I’ve heard it sung by tall people and short people and pretty people and ugly people and men and women and children… and I’ve HEARD this song, ok? This means that even weeding out the crazies, I’ve heard this song sung better than you about 50 times. Dude. Not good.

Further, that dress looks like… well, it looks like something catastrophic MUST have happened to your real dress. Like, your real dress caught on fire or someone bled all over it or it was stolen by some stage-hand who is selling it on Craigs List. That dress you wore on stage is clearly home-made by someone only vaguely introduced to a Singer sewing machine. It’s bunchy and hangs all akimbo. Ok, truth – it looks like you used a stapler to hem the bottom. WHERE IS TIM GUNN WHEN I NEED HIM?

Lushington – “If you Leave Me Now”

Wow. How the mighty have fallen. The baby hates you now, I hope you know. So, this week you chose to dress like um… Pete Wentz? A skater with a chest cold? Man, am I just getting old or was her outfit like something completely bonkers?

It was not a good song choice.. and worse, she looked defeated. She was hang-dog and almost embarrassed and that left no room in anyone’s mind that it wasn’t a good performance. I still like to say your name… and I hope you make it through because I’m sure the outfit you come up with for 80’s week will blow my mind.

Cruella Deville

Amanda – “Carry On My Wayward Son”

Multiple Choice – Which of the following did Denise yell at the TV?

a. I love this song! I love Kansas! *claps hands*

b. Seriously? Seriously with the hair?

c. How on earth did she get her hands on David Lee Roth’s pants from the “Runnin’ With the Devil” tour?

d. I wish she’d sing “Hopelessly Devoted”.

e. The blond eyebrows have bred and multiplied. They are taking over her face.

f. Ugh. I mean, UGH! I’m just so sick of her.GROWL! GROWL! SCREAM! GROWL!

g. All of them. Denise said all of them.

Dr. E (Asia’h) – “All By Myself”


Tossed the sassy Rosie curls. Kept the Jenny From the Block earrangs. (Okaaay,mami.)

How has no one learned to never cover Celine, Whitney or Mariah? HOW?!

Brooke – “You’re So Vain”

Loooooved it. Perfect for her voice. The guitar really worked. I’d love to see her cover Edie Brickell when we get to the 90’s week. One of my favorites of the night.

Carly – “Crazy On You”

Also loved this performance. I’m a big Heart fan and you did it justice. Your outfit is mega-weird, but you are so quirky that you can pull it off. Plus, you have that whole European thing going on which totally means you can get away with wacky clothing choices because it only makes you seem MORE European and then there’s the whole owning a tattoo shop,which totally gives you wacky cred, you know? Plus, when you say, “HOOOSbund”, in reference to your spouse, I totally crack up. Ask Kory. Since I repeated “HOOOSbund” like 35 times after that. I’m fun like that.

Kady – “Magic Man”

Positive note: Your imitations are sort of funny.

Not so positive note: Your talent is sparse.

Semi-negative note: You look veeeery sleeeeeeeepy. No more wine and Valiums!

A little negative note: Really? Big weird Skittles on the front of your dress?

Negative: That ain’t opera.

Kristy – “You’re No Good”

I will say this, I think this girl is gorgeous… and I love this outfit. It’s simple, but it fits her so well and makes her body look fantastic… and if some future life I HAVE to be reborn as a thin gorgeous girl with long legs and a tiny little waist, I would like to wear this outfit just once. I probably won’t insist on standing the entire time like I’m waiting for a galloping horse to come by so I can fling myself on it’s back, as Kristy is partial to doing…. but still. Finally, I will remind the contestants that one should never sing a song that they wouldn’t want to ironically have to sing when they are kicked off the show and forced to do an encore. Plan ahead, kids.

Marmalade (Ramiele) – “Don’t Leave Me This Way”

I hate this song. I like this girl. I hike this performance. I mildly hate it. Or glancingly like it. You pick.

Syesha – “Me and Mr. Jones”

Just terrible. The girls are either awesome or sucking it up tonight. I hate when they kill songs like this – songs where you know it would have BLOWN YOUR MIND if they’d sang their socks off. When they sing them half-assed like this, it’s not just a disappointment because (at least if you are me) the disappointment is even greater because I know I would have lost my mind if this song had been done right.

The hair, my dear, appears to be creating it’s own zip code. And headbands with the scarfy thing attached are kind of last year, you know? Let’s take the whole thing down a notch, shall we?

Tonight’s prediction to go is…. Kady and Alaina.

Bring on the 80’s!


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