I was in a big hurry watching Idol this week, so I was fast-forwarding like a banshee through anything that wasn’t one of the Idols with a microphone. It’s because of this that I initially missed “Paulagate ’08“.
My friend Julie says to me, “Oh my God, can you believe Paula last night?”
And a tiny volcano of panic goes off in my head that I might have missed some critical Paula moment.
“Shit!” I say, “I was fast-forwarding! What did I miss?!”
“Oh. MY. God.” Julie begins… and then tells me about how Paula critiqued Jason’s first AND second performance when he’d only sung one song from notes she appeared to have scribbled on a Kleenex with her eyeliner pencil.
Later that morning, a reader sent me an article on Paulagate and video of the actual moment. (Thanks Alison! Thanks Ryan!) I have a hard and fast rule that I never read other A.I. blogs before I write my own because I’m afraid I’ll taint myself or steal from other people because, let’s face it, I’m as likely to taint and steal as the next guy… but these were exclusively about Paula and the gasp that was heard around the world.
The following are currently conspiracy theories and my own thoughts:
1. Paula took notes during the dress rehearsal and was reading those. (Conspiracy theory)
2. Paula was reading notes that the producers told her to say and she accidently read ahead. (Conspiracy theory)
3. Paula was actually reading David Cook’s notes, not Jason’s second song notes. (What Paula claimed)
4. Paula is a time traveler. (Seacrest)
5. Paula is a total nut-job. (Me.)
I think we can immediately discard #4, because a time traveler would just find out who will win the next Superbowl or what last week’s Powerball numbers were and be done with it… and let’s face it, Paula is confused by doorknobs and clocks… so we know she isn’t deftly moving through the space-time continuum.
#3 is equally unlikely as the comment that he’s “losing his charm and isn’t fighting hard enough” are SO JASON and not at all David Cook (especially since she told David he was “fantastic!”)
#1 -Paula is writing notes during rehearsals – this one is really disturbing to many of the noted Idol bloggers out there who feel that the judges should not be privy to any rehearsals or song choices, etc, prior to the live show. I have to admit, this doesn’t bother me at all. Paula has said many times in the last 7 seasons things like, “I heard you sing that perfectly earlier…” when referring to someone’s nerves getting the best of them, etc. So, I don’t see how it can be any big surprise that Paula, at least, has been sitting in on rehearsals.
#2 is the most disturbing – that the producers have their favorites and have given the judges pre-packaged blurbs to say about each performance. It’s possible. It’s reality TV, kids, and we must accept that there is no such thing as unscripted reality in the television world. I have thought many times, myself, while listening to the judges gush and froth over Archubarfa that they can’t all really love him that much… that Simon can’t really be that enthralled with the Fire and Ice themepark performances he gives every week… can he? Or is someone handing him a cue card that says,
“Sell David A. Tell the American people this is what they want. They will listen to you. Sell! Sell! If we can convince them to buy Fords, we can convince them to buy ANYTHING! You sold them 4 swarthy Italian opera singers! You can do it!”
Finally we come to #5. Paula is a nutjob. This is less a theory than a factual statement served up as a symptom that explains a dilemma. Should she really be allowed to judge these kids? Are her comments actually harming their growth and development? Do the American people deserve a non-crazy person judging their idols?!!
Honestly…. I’m cool with it.
I love Crazy Paula.
I love when I see her with her hair all whacked out and falling down and weird inexplicable jewelry because I know it will be a good show… Crazy Paula always looks like she just accidently ran through a car wash and then fell in the bargain bin at Claire’s. Contolled Paula always looks sort of put-together and calm… but Crazy Paula – she straps on the bling and busts out the AquaNet and lets it all hang out. Crazy Paula is going to be standing and boogyin’ down the whole show, she’s going to forget their names (she called Syesha, “Brooke”), she’s going to be a garbled, mush-mouthed, sweaty, fantastic MESS…. and that’s… ok.
Last night’s show was ridiculously frenzied and badly produced. No one seemed to know what was happening, Seacrest was reading off numbers like it was a cattle auction, the kids weren’t on stage when they were supposed to be half the time… directions kept changing and I think we all know that this is not a good climate for Crazy Paula.
And me? I love every minute of it.
Performance critiques to come…