deeples

Idol

Tonight is Andrew Lloyd Webber night.  Seacrest will likely tell you all of this but these are the musicals we will likely hear from tonight:

• Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
• Evita
• Cats
• Jesus Christ Superstar
• Phantom of the Opera
• Sunset Boulevard

… and many, many others…   I have no predictions for tonight because I always suck at them, though I remain secretly convinced that I should be selecting song choices for people FOR A LIVING… kind of like a personal shopper but way less return policy red tape.

I’m not sayin… I’m just sayin’….

   

So disturbing.  Really.  Really. Disturbing.

Stoned Bagels

Dani and I went to Bruegger’s Bagels for lunch.  We walked in and all the employees practically screamed joyous hellos at us.

HI!!!!!!!!

HOW ARE YOU TODAY!!!

In my mind, it’s as if I said to myself, “Spock, raise the shields.” 

Dani: (looking at the menu)  Can I get anything in a wrap?

Girl#1 (let’s just call her Cinnamon): YES!!!!!!!!!!

Girl#2 (we’ll call this one MoonUnit): YOU CAN GET ANYTHING IN A WRAP!!!!!!!

Dude sweeping floor:  (just keeps sweepting)

Cinnamon:  ANYTHING EXCEPT ONE OF OUR EMPLOYEES!!!!!!

Me: Well, we’re leaving then.

MoonUnit, grabbing sweeping dude: You can have DJ, though!

DJ flashes this smile at us:

We flinch.

Cinnamon: SO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU IN THE MOOD FOR?!!! BAGEL? SANDWICH? SALAD?

MoonUnit:  YOU CAN HAVE SALAD AND SANDWICH OR SANDWICH AND SOUP OR SOUP AND..

Me:  Yeah, we get it.

Dani:  Can I get a wrap with the combo?

At this point both the girls almost lauch themselves out of their bodies in screaming in rapture and enthusiam for having a wrap with the combo.

Me (to Dani):  I think they are all high.  Do you think they are high?

MoonUnit:  IT’S SO NICE OUT TODAY!!!!!!

Cinnamon:  Other guy! Go ring them up!

Other guy (we’ll call him John Madden):  What can I make you? (putting those glove things on)

Cinnamon:  NO JOHN MADDEN!!! I SAID RING THEM UP!!!!!

All employees freeze and stare at us.

Dani: Soooo…. who am I giving my order to?

Bossy Cinnamon: ME!!!  GO RING THEM UP!

John Madden: (flinging off this gloves)  Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine… mumble..mumble.

He rings us up and then suddenly freezes and stares at Dani, who for the record, is wearing a jacket.

John Madden: I THOUGHT YOU WERE WEARING A COAT!

Dani and I stare at each other and then back at him. I mouth, “I told you they were stoned” at her. We giggle.

John Madden:  I SAID I THOUGHT YOU WERE WEARING A COAT!!!

Dani:  Wha?

Me:  It IS a coat.

John Madden: Oh that’s so weird because I totally thought it was a coat.

Me: *making that doo doo doo circus/carnival music in my head*  Um.

Me: (to Dani)  What’s the name of that football announcer on Thanksgiving with the 8 turkey legs?

Dani: Dude. Now I think you are stoned, too.  All of you are stoned.

Me: NO!!! This guy is just like that announcer! 

Me (to John Madden):  Hey, what’s that announcer from Thanksgiving with the 8 turkey legs?

Dani:  Why do you keep saying 8 turkey legs?

Me:  It’s a tradition, they sew these extra turkey legs onto a turkey and the MVP player dudes all get to rip one off.. it’s a big deal…

Dani: (outraged) OFF A LIVE TURKEY?!!!!!!!!

Me:  No, geez… a roasted turkey with like extra roasted turkey legs…

Dani: Ok, because I was totally going to call PETA.

John Madden: You mean John Madden. Oh yeah, that was so awesome that one Thanksgiving because it was Denny Green I mean no not him it was Cris Carter and RandyMoss and I can’t remember the last guy but I totally watched in the other room at Thanksgiving and I got in big trouble with my family because we weren’t supposed to be in the other room, but my mom and I were in there and I wasn’t the only one but I was the oldest of the kids and I didn’t even care because I just brought my food in there and it’s totally not the same now that he and Al Michaels are on the other channel and that BIG STUPID ROBOT is on there now… and Boom! THAT’S WHAT THAT’S ALL ABOUT!

[Ok, I made up the last 6 words, but the rest if verbatum.]

Cinnamon: I JUST ACCIDENTLY PUT CAESER DRESSING ALL OVER YOUR MANDARIN BLEU CHEESE SALAD! I’M GOING TO HAVE TO START OVER!

Me: (to Dani)  They are stoned. And we are cursed.

MoonUnit: CURSED!

Me: Everything is going badly for us today… 

MoonUnit:  WELL YOU CAN TELL YOUR BOSS THAT’S WHY YOU ARE LATE! BECAUSE YOU ARE CURSED!!!

John Madden (to Cinnamon and MoonUnit): I thought that a COAT!

Dani and I (in unison): IT IS A COAT!!

Dani:  Maybe now we are stoned, too….