deeples

#27 of 30

June27

Ok, guess what I did today?

I went to a WICCAN GARAGE SALE.

Yes, really.

It wasn’t called a “Wiccan garage sale”.  It had signs that said, “GARAGE SALE! ARTS AND CRAFTS!” with lots of arrows and stuff.  And I’m all about arts and crafts, baby.

But when I went in the garage, it was all spells and bundles and labyrinths and things you burn and things you put on your alter and things you bury.  I was FULLY INTERESTED and yet also, FULLY NOT SURE WHAT EVERYTHING WAS.  I wandered around and acted like I totally knew what everything was and in the end bought some earrings, a “releasing bad energy” packet that has sage and orange peel and other stuff in it, as well as a totally bitchin’ espresso maker for $8 that has a Williams Sonoma price tag on it that made me very happy.

There were these “Intention bundles” that were made of wheat and eucalyptus and bundles of something.  You were supposed to write your intention on the attached card and “release it to the universe” by burning it, burying it, throwing it in water, etc…  but I felt like that was too much pressure.  I mean, how do you take something like that back if you change your mind?  I change my mind a lot.

I bought a Wish Crane instead. You whisper your wish in it’s origami ear…. and nowhere on the little card does it say that I can’t wish a bunch of times. And change my mind.  So, if the crane is a little soggy from my whispery slobber … universe, forgive….

I have an awful lot of wishes for a 50 cent paper crane.

posted under 30/100/30 | 1 Comment »

#26 of 30

June25

This morning, I looked out the window and flinched.

Mormons!  Or else a bunch of dudes in white short-sleeved button-up shirts with matching haircuts.

“Turn off the lights!  Turn down the TV!”, I yelled to my Mom.

“Honey, it’s 8am.”, she tells me… soothingly.

“Right. Ok.”, I say. Warily.

Later in the day,  Steph texts me, “HELP! I AM BEING ATTACKED BY MORMONS!”

She was at ToysRUs. They tried to save her soul by giving her URLs. She restrained her desire to pat them on their heads and tsk-tsk at them.

A little bit later, another text.

“HELP! NOW THEY ARE AT TARGET! THEY ARE FOLLOWING ME!”

I text back to her, “Dude. It must be Mormon day. I saw them too.”

She replies, “They must have shipped a fresh batch in. Don’t they have to go somewhere else?”

I say (because I actually grew up with many Mormon friends, and my sister was briefly Mormon. Yes, really.)  “Yes, I think they usually have to travel for their mission.”

I still have the lights off in the house, but Law and Order is on the TV because Mom loves to watch it… and if they come to my door, you know what they are getting?

BOOBIES!!!!!

That should make ’em scatter.

posted under 30/100/30 | 1 Comment »

#25 of 30

June24

“Overheard in the Lasker House”, if you will…

Me: Mom! A vacuum does not go in a grand piano!

Mom: How about a blimp?

Me: No.

Mom: (indignant) But you haven’t heard my story yet.

********

Kory: I AM A MOUNTAIN OF DEW!

********

The Baby: Shoe! Choo-choo! Ooo-ooo! Eee-eee!

Me: Right on, sister.

*********

Me (groggy):  Oh… I’m so happy…. finally there are muffins…. happy baby muffins…

posted under 30/100/30 | 2 Comments »
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