I know I’m not supposed to drink or like or (gasp!) buy bottled water. It’s somehow become gauche to want your water to come from somewhere other than your local tap. WHATEVER. It’s not like I’m some lunatic that actually believes someone is handing a band of oompa-loompas a cart full of empty bottles and making them fill each bottle full of crisp, sunshiney water from a babbling brook in the Alps or Loompaland or something.

Like, WWE fans, I choose to believe the lie.

I know these bottles came from a FACTORY and not from an icy wind-swept Colorado river that somehow has infused itself with minerals and crime-fighting properties. I know.

I do, however, like bottles of water. I find them convenient for my active life that consists of such mind-blowingly strenuous activities like driving my vehicle to and from work and walking from meeting to meeting at work. CARRYING MY ENORMOUS WATER BOTTLE.

I know it creates more waste. So do ketchup packets and I guarantee you I will not be carrying a bottle of ketchup around in my purse anytime soon. And also, how is it that I am managing to work the word ketchup/catsup into every blog? It’s weird. I don’t even really like catsup. I CAN’T STOP!!!

Good Water

Anyway, while I was home not so quietly going insane recovering from my surgery, I started drinking Smart Water. And for some reason, I really liked it.

Am I just trying to make myself feel better? (Do you have any I’m Hot Water or People Like Me Water?)

Do I just like the phallic nature of the EXTRA LONG BOTTLE? (AKA: Pepper-mill Syndrome)

Sure. I like those things, too. But what I really like is that it actually does make me feel less thirsty/more hydrated. Really. It does. Or at least my brain has convinced me that it does and really, who cares if my brain is right or Glaceau is right. Either way my body wins. And my body almost NEVER wins.

Smart Water is “electrolyte enhanced water” and is “vapor distilled” so it’s in it’s “purest natural state”. Kind of like tap water. (Oh, the irony…) And if it were handy to carry my sink around with me I’d consider it.

No, I wouldn’t. I won’t even U-turn for cheaper gas. Judge not, my lambs… we all have our foibles.

It’s not that I’m lazy so much as that I have a fine, passionate fondness for convenience.

Bad Water

Introducing Meat Water… from dinnerinabottle.com :

Flavors include:  (Name, description, color of water) (There are many others – this is just a sampling!)

• Beef Jerky  – a touch of hickory (brown)
• Beef Stroganoff- sliced sirloin, mushrooms, garlic+onions, sourcream, extract of egg noodles (teal)
• Chicken Teriyaki – Tokyo style chicken with shitake mushrooms (pale green)
• Fish’n Chips – cod in beer batter + hand cut fries (royal blue)
  
• Wiener Schnitzel – veal and bread crumbs, taste of lemon and potato salad  (pink)
• Gyros – grilled lamb, onions, cucumber, garlic, rosemary, pita bread, tomatoes, tzatziki  (clear)
  
• Fried Oysters – blue point oysters in flour and french dressing (light blue)
• Brunch Omelette – 3 eggs filled with bacon, sausages and ham, glass of orange juice (orange)

I couldn’t buy it from the online store and I have no idea how much a bottle costs or if it really exists and is not a big joke… but either way, it seems like something that should go to Lutsen with us next year.  I just hope at the end of the Brunch Omelette one, no one turns into a giant orange.