November 25, 2005

Thanksgiving Squirrel

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — denise @ 3:51 pm

It really wasn’t so bad this year… 

The first notable thing that happened was that Kory caught a freakin’ squirrel. 

Yes! Caught it.

Yes! A squirrel.

He bought this live trap mathinger at Fleet Farm a few weeks ago along with some cheap peanut brittle that he deemed “squirrel bait” (we ate half of it ourselves) – and for the last several weeks it’s been sitting on our deck and generated MUCH curiousity and interest in our squirrel community. They played in it. On it. Around it.  I was half expecting a few of them to pack up their waterbeds and move into it…. 

Anyhoo – Kory apparently baited this trap some time on Wednesday night and Thursday when he stepped out to take something to the garage, he found it.  He comes back in and goes, “I caught one”. 

“One what?”

“Squirrel!” and he’s pretty excited.  And I can see why – I mean he caught a LIVE ANIMAL. If we were ever trapped in the woods and happened to have this cage and some peanut brittle we could TOTALLY survive off squirrel kabobs for like days, at least….

So, we throw our coats on and for a precious moment completely forgot that we had the entire house to finish cleaning and food to cook….

So he’s looking for a blanket to cover it with – the plan being to drive a few miles away and let it out because squirrels are territorial or some BS like that…  MEANWHILE, the squirrel – we’ll call him Chad – was not happy at all. Chad had magically made his tail bush out to 40 times it’s normal size which was drastically hindering his ability to turn around and whatnot in this long skinny cage – and I could almost hear his dilemma.

I’m mad! I’m scared! I want to turn around!  But my tail is too bushy!

Now I’m madder! But that’s making my tail bushier, still! Nooo!

So, we suddenly realized that neither of us actually wants to pick up the cage with the pissed off squirrel in it.

Chad decided that perhaps he could chew his way out of the cage and went mildly insane in the cage – and I pick up a mop handle to see if I could pick the cage up by putting the handle through the metal loop on the top and then Chad growled.

I’ll tell you right now – I had no idea that squirrels could GROWL.

Scared the shit out of both of us.

So, I did the only thing I could do — I picked a huge nonsensical fight with Kory over the fact that the mashed potatoes weren’t done yet so I could stomp into the house and leave him to deal with the Growling Chad on the deck.

He is apparently alive and well several miles away, in some new tree, in some new neighborhood. Sure, the TERRITORIAL squirrels that live in that new tree, in that new neighborhood will probably kick Chad’s ass for trying to move in on their turf — but hey, that’s life as a squirrel.

The moral of the story, really, is don’t eat cheap peanut brittle from Fleet Farm.

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