Benedict Idols
My first mistake was to assume they couldn’t get any worse.
My second mistake was to believe they would improve this week – instead of sounding like the dolts in the first rounds of the auditions – yeah, I mean those people that dressed up like Elvis or the Statue of Liberty. Yeah, I mean as bad as all the twins and the ones that weren’t sure if they were male or female.
I mean as bad as this chick:
and this guy (anyone remember Leroy “Can you dig it, baby?”):
(((( sigh.))))
Idols… Idols… wherefor art thou Idols?
Here we go:
Look, no one is even sure if we liked that song when John Denver did it. I mean, we all know the words… and our parents use to play it when we were growing up… but, I’ve rarely been so bored with a performance. Now, I know I counseled against excessive-Taylorness – but this was weird and disappointing, to say the least. You’re lucky you have a strong fan base… you may be in the bottom 3 tonight.
Awful. Awful! It was just AWFUL!!! Other people have disagreed with me today about this – but I thought Mandisa’s performance was terrible. She wouldn’t have even made it past the first round if she’d performed that song. I watched with my hands over my eyes. Worst performance of the night. Also a bottom 3 performance.
[at this point in the show, I’m sort of moaning and holding my head. My husband is rubbing my back and trying to sooth me. “It’s ok, honey…. maybe they will get better…. awww, honey… I am almost inconsolable.]
He’s definitely getting better looking… growing the hair and the goatee is helping with the looks part of the equation– again, a mediocre performance. Garth Brooks is a legend and Elliot apparently thought that song would sound better as a Broadway musical…
Stop it! Stop licking your lips all the time! ICK! Seriously, you’re like an iguana up there, man… Jesus, here we go with Ace again and his soulful ballady schtick. I happen to love this song by Keith Urban and shouted at the TV “Don’t F this up! Don’t F this up!” at the beginning of the song, because it does cause me actual physical pain when they they screw up a song I really like…. he was…ok… but like, squishy ok… like NOT OK, but not enough NOT OK to truly qualify as bad… that type of ok. The falsetto makes me vomit and I think I speak for everyone that we DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID BROTHERS IN THE AUDIENCE!!!!!!!!
Paris is my pick of death for the week. I hope she goes tonight. Her performace was beyond uninteresting. “How Do I Live” has a strong country western history in that both Trisha Yearwood and Leann Rimes recorded it for the movie “ConAir” – the movie execs picked Yearwood’s version in the end because of the maturity of her voice — but the fans loved both versions so much that the song was reproduced to be a montage of both singers’ versions of the song and was wildly popular. Paris KILLED this song. I’m not saying it wasn’t in key. It mostly was… I just feel like her performances are so disconnected and she just doesn’t “get” what she’s singing most of the time.
Pickler did her brilliant performance of “Fancy” by Reba McIntyre. While it was technically not bad, it was really akin to applauding a 4 year old for singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” well…. the reason the 4 old sings it well is that the 4 year old sings it 20 times a day, every single day of her life. I would bet that Pickler has sung that song about a thousand times. Big whoop.
Vin… er.. Chris… did a very nice version of another Keith Urban song. For once he wasn’t screaming and rocking out — and he has quite a nice bass tone, actually. For sure the best performance of the night.
Katharine… God, can we call you something else? Kate? No… that’s like Kate Moss. Um.. Katie — oh, Christ, too Scientologist-sounding…. how about KAT. Sounds like a junior X-men character. I love it!
Kat was really good, I thought. She chose a fairly obscure Faith Hill song but it was fun and bluesy and I liked it. Not sure what I thought about the outfit, however…. Ragstock chic? Um. No.
Finally… the Buckmeister.
As you know, I like Bucky. I hated that Gary Allen song, however. The whole sitting on the stage and looking right into the camera meaningfully was uncomfortable and contrived. Yes, we saw when you accidently glaced up haltingly before your cue, dammit. We SAW it. None-the-less, I like the Buckenheimer Rex. He should make it through to next week, but this week may be his last hurrah.
I went to lunch with my friend Chad and we were talking about who should be in the bottom three this week and he said,
“Honestly, if I could kick ANYONE off the show, it would be Kenny Rogers. He was useless.”
Word.
Kenny
New Kenny
CREEP OUT!!!!!!!