April 9, 2009

His momma raised him right.

Filed under: Around Town,the teen — Tags: , , — denise @ 3:50 pm

The Teen probably couldn’t tell you the date of my birthday.  Or my wedding anniversary.  Or even, probably, my middle name.  He doesn’t like to…. encumber himself with details, in this life.

He asks me how to spell everything he types because he can’t be bothered with Spellcheck.  He never reads the directions on microwave meals.  He sometimes can’t remember the order the months go in….  but that boy has MAD SKILLS, yo

You just have to know where to look.

Perkins, yesterday 12pm.

Me:  Ohmygod, I’m going to die if I don’t pee right now.

Teen:  Go! Go!

Me: No, I have to figure out what I want and then wait for them to take my order and then I can go. Going first messes the entire flow up!

Teen:  You want that chicken sandwich right? I can order it. Go!

Me: No, there are…. issues……  I have a substitution…  don’t want the pepper jack.  *hopping up and down*

Teen: MOM. I’ve got this.  GO TO THE BATHROOM.

Me:Ok, what kind of cheese do I want?


Me: If they don’t have it?

Teen: Swiss.

Me: What do I want to drink?

Teen: Iced tea. No lemon.

Me: Do I want the fries or the salad?

Teen: Both. Trick question.

Me: What dressing do I want?

Teen:Balsamic vinaigrette.

Me: If they don’t have it?

Teen:Bleu cheese.

Me: Ok.   *breaks into a big smile*  I’m going to the bathroom!

Me: (over my shoulder, as I waddle toward the bathroom)  Damn, you’re good.

Teen:  I’ve known that for years.  Years!!!

November 5, 2008

Don’t go to Target, unless you want to hyperventilate.

Filed under: Around Town,Life — Tags: , , — denise @ 12:10 pm

A haiku:

The Christmas season

sneaks up on me yearly, and

Santa makes me cry.


Miles of paper wrap

that I can not live without

I hate by next year.


We’d need 4 trees to

actually use all these

fucking ornaments.


Shamefully, I have

to admit I secretly

love Hickory Farms.

Feel free to use them on your greeting cards this year!

(No charge.)

October 15, 2008

Walk through the neighborhood…

Filed under: Around Town — Tags: , , — denise @ 4:15 pm

Did you know that JC was running for office? Me either!  But I can’t wait for the debates!

Kissy Face.  This sometimes results in an actual kiss, and sometimes with a smear of mucus across your face.  You take your chances.

I’m pretty sure she won’t try to jam that up my nose.

Or Kory’s…

Kory didn’t tell me until afterward that he took this picture (which is a beautiful shot) because when I see a bee, I do this weird thing where I run around in circles yelling, “BEE! BEE! BEE! BEE!” with ever increasing volume until the bee leaves or I pass out, whichever happens first.  Since this bee is approximately the size of a mouse, I’m certain I would have entered a state of catatonic shock.

Isn’t this sweet?  If only, in my head, I wasn’t going, “WHY won’t she walk? Does she remember that she has legs? Will she still, at 15,  be putting her hands above her head going , “Uh UH UH UPPIE! UPPIE!”???  This is called a WALK, not a CARRY!”

Cookie, at Joe’s.  She got invited to an Obama Fundraising Kegger, too… but we were all, not until you clean the garage.  That settled that.

Then we found a secret playground…

And then she climbed this chainlink wall thing and I was like, “Did you teach her that?” and he was all, “No! You didn’t?” And then we thought about how if she can climb chain walls without our knowledge, maybe she can make us spaghetti, too?  And dinner plans were solidified.

We crossed the train tracks.

And then realized a train was coming and decided to wait for it.

Won’t The Baby think it’s amazing?  Doesn’t she LOVE trains and want to listen to her Choo Choo Soul CD every moment of every day*?

This is the train going by… veeeeeeery slowly….

This is The Baby just before she started yelling, “OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!” and clamping her little hands over her ears as if the sound of a train on it’s tracks were making her brain explode and her ears bleed.

This is the pacifier we jammed in her mouth to make her stop screaming.  Doesn’t she look pleased with the whole train experience?

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