November 28, 2005

Old / Sams / Harry

Filed under: Triple play — Tags: , , , , , — denise @ 3:50 pm

It’s totally not what you think, perv.

Sunday morning we headed off to meet Tha Fam at Old Country Buffet – affectionately referred to as OCB (yeah, you know me!)

Kor’s parents and the Powells and the Glasgows were all there and it was a morning of eating and rehashing Thanksgiving and drawing names for Christmas. I need to say that the drawing names thing was my MASTER PLAN because prior to my arrival on the scene (BD – before Denise) they ALL bought gifts for EVERY OTHER PERSON. Yeah, we are talking like 14 people all buying gifts for every other person.  JEBUS.  I honestly can’t tell if everyone actually is glad/relieved to be drawing names now – but to their credit, they’ve all accepted it graciously and probably only complain about it when I’m not around – which honestly, is totally fine with me….

Here’s my problem with OCB : People are buffet-retarded. A simple fact of life is that the line should move in one direction. That direction isn’t so hard to figure out because it should START on the end where the plates are and finish on the end where there is nothing. Hello? I mean, going to the buffet is like playing bumper cars – everyone sort of bouncing off each other and saying excuse me (or not) and reaching for the handles of the long hot spoons at the same time… this is Minnesota! Where is the civility?  And what’s with the staring? What’s with the bald-faced inspection of everything on my plate as I’m walking by? GO LOOK FOR YOURSELF – my plate is not a freakin’ preview for you to peruse on the way up there! I swear, I’m wearing a cape the next time I go so I can make my plate and then pull the cape around me and the plate so I can walk back to the table in peace.

Here’s what I love about OCB : the beverages! How I love my plethora of beverages! I can have soda and coffee and juice and chocolate milk.. and *pant, pant*… MORE coffee and soda and…

Sam’s Club –  Why do I seek out the Sample Ladies?  I never even want what they have… and if I do want it, they are out or on break. I think it’s some deep-rooted animal instinct to locate free food? YUCK! That’s weird! I had a sliver of cheesecake (yum), a piece of porkchop (yuck), a pinwheel cheese thing (yuck) and a cracker with some spinach/artichoke dip on it  (yum) — oooooh, and Chai. Kory found a sample of Chai for me and I’d never had it before. It was really good – so we bought some.  WAIT A MINUTE – so that’s why the Sample Ladies are there. It’s a trap! Bastards.

Harry Potter — we saw this at the IMAX out at the zoo. It was my first IMAX experience with a full length feature film (say THAT five times, fast).  Peter was actually shaking waiting for the movie to start he was so excited. The screen was huge and the sound was amazing — it really was great.  The movie was better than I thought – though it had some “time” issues in that the events that take place over an entire school year appear to occur in a week or so. There was a small issue of some people who brought their INFANT to the movie and sat right behind us. She didn’t cry, but talked in baby babble the entire movie. I went back and forth between wanting to kill the parents, thinking she was actually a pretty good baby and forgetting them completely.  I didn’t actually have words with the people – so I was on good behavior…. however, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE BRING BABIES TO THE MOVIES!!!!  Get an f’ing sitter or STAY HOME.  Especially when these tickets were $14 a pop. Grrrrr.  

It was really good, though…. see how I can separate my irrational anger from my ability to reason?

  It’s one of my Sweet Skills.

Monday now….. ugh….. and only 27 shopping day until Christmas.

November 25, 2005

Thanksgiving Squirrel

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — denise @ 3:51 pm

It really wasn’t so bad this year… 

The first notable thing that happened was that Kory caught a freakin’ squirrel. 

Yes! Caught it.

Yes! A squirrel.

He bought this live trap mathinger at Fleet Farm a few weeks ago along with some cheap peanut brittle that he deemed “squirrel bait” (we ate half of it ourselves) – and for the last several weeks it’s been sitting on our deck and generated MUCH curiousity and interest in our squirrel community. They played in it. On it. Around it.  I was half expecting a few of them to pack up their waterbeds and move into it…. 

Anyhoo – Kory apparently baited this trap some time on Wednesday night and Thursday when he stepped out to take something to the garage, he found it.  He comes back in and goes, “I caught one”. 

“One what?”

“Squirrel!” and he’s pretty excited.  And I can see why – I mean he caught a LIVE ANIMAL. If we were ever trapped in the woods and happened to have this cage and some peanut brittle we could TOTALLY survive off squirrel kabobs for like days, at least….

So, we throw our coats on and for a precious moment completely forgot that we had the entire house to finish cleaning and food to cook….

So he’s looking for a blanket to cover it with – the plan being to drive a few miles away and let it out because squirrels are territorial or some BS like that…  MEANWHILE, the squirrel – we’ll call him Chad – was not happy at all. Chad had magically made his tail bush out to 40 times it’s normal size which was drastically hindering his ability to turn around and whatnot in this long skinny cage – and I could almost hear his dilemma.

I’m mad! I’m scared! I want to turn around!  But my tail is too bushy!

Now I’m madder! But that’s making my tail bushier, still! Nooo!

So, we suddenly realized that neither of us actually wants to pick up the cage with the pissed off squirrel in it.

Chad decided that perhaps he could chew his way out of the cage and went mildly insane in the cage – and I pick up a mop handle to see if I could pick the cage up by putting the handle through the metal loop on the top and then Chad growled.

I’ll tell you right now – I had no idea that squirrels could GROWL.

Scared the shit out of both of us.

So, I did the only thing I could do — I picked a huge nonsensical fight with Kory over the fact that the mashed potatoes weren’t done yet so I could stomp into the house and leave him to deal with the Growling Chad on the deck.

He is apparently alive and well several miles away, in some new tree, in some new neighborhood. Sure, the TERRITORIAL squirrels that live in that new tree, in that new neighborhood will probably kick Chad’s ass for trying to move in on their turf — but hey, that’s life as a squirrel.

The moral of the story, really, is don’t eat cheap peanut brittle from Fleet Farm.

November 21, 2005

Surprise parties rule

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , — denise @ 3:53 pm

The cool thing is that Matt really really really was surprised!  It was fun to see everyone and I was even able to resist the demands that I do a “keg stand” – sorry but I don’t do those. I really love spending time with everyone – God bless my friend Julie and her INFERNAL CAMERA because honestly, we all love that she captures us all in those moments….

Least favorite picture of me and Dani at the party (she says she looks like the Pannokeoken lady and I look mental):

Julie Wetterlin > Matt H Surprise 30 B-Day Party photo

Favorite picture of me from the party – I’m showing everyone my bear roar – but that’s another story…

Julie Wetterlin > Matt H Surprise 30 B-Day Party photo

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