I could pretend that I wasn’t really excited about Andrew Lloyd Webber week, you know, to have the coolness factor thing. But I supercallafragalistic *JAZZ HANDS* was!
For some reason (an unfortunate penchant for stereotyping?), I expected ALW to be all blustery English guy… all WUT WUT WUT! A BUNCH OF FIBBLEDY FABBLE! BY GEORGE! WHERE’S MY TEA AND CRUMPETS?!… but instead he like, “I’m extremely accomplished and really none of you are remotely good enough to sing my songs…” which I TOTALLY dig in a mentor. Also, I was oddly transfixed by his pants! What was that color? Like a chocolate brown/rust/dark red/teddy bear/cocoa/loamy soil/cappuccino color? And corduroy? I could hardly tear my eyes away from them. Probably, you think I’m kidding. Probably, I’m not.
Paula looked lovely… pretty dress, cute shorter hair cut. She looked healthy and sober and younger than she usually does. Her comments seemed more appropriate and honest than usual. Her make up and jewelry were toned down. Obviously, the real Paula is running up and down the streets of Las Vegas throwing pills in her mouth and wearing rainbow beads and pineapple coasters for earrings, hair in 5 or 6 ponytails, grabbing people by the collars and sobbing to them that “THEY ARE SHINING STARS!!!!!” while her chihuahuas bite their ankles and this healthy, normal Paula is a drone sent from the planet Alpha Omega. I mean, it’s a theory, anyway.
Syesha Mercado – “One Roll-n-Roll Too Many”
Huh.
I thought this was really great. I loved her cute little red, skin-tight dress. I loved her bare feet and her FABULOUS pin curls… I loved her energy and her fun and her smile. I’m just getting so turned around by being so bored with her one week and then really liking her the next. Do I like her? Do I not? Is the good? Unique? Would I buy her CD? I guess that’s the bottom line… I enjoyed this performance very much… my 2nd favorite of the whole season… but no, I probably would not buy her CD. So…. huh.
Jason Castro – “Memory” (Not “Memories”)
I knew things weren’t going to go well when Jason looked directly at the camera and said, “I guess this is a really popular song?”
Because, Jason, not only is “Cats” the musical it comes from the second-longest running musical in Broadway history (only behind Phantom) but, this song has also been sung millions, NAY – billions of times by every drama and/or choir geek trying out for ANYTHING from the beginning of time. (Or in this case, 1980 when the song was composed.) I’m saying that singing “Memory” if you are in theater or music is like…like.. REQUIRED. It’s like asking a football fan if the Superbowl is popular.
You really upset Lordy Andy, who practically SPIT at the camera that you JUST DIDN’T GET IT and telling you it was about a “Glamourpuss” obviously wasn’t much help. I listened quietly to you sing it prettily… nicely…. soothingly… like a fluffy patch of clouds floating by a window while the dandelions danced in the grass…
And then I had what can only be described as a total conniption fit.
I paused the TV and turned on Kory, the only male in my vicinity and demanded to know if he knew what that song was about and he, truthfully, answered that he did not and I clutched my chest and wrenched my hands and clothes and told him about how this song is about loss and regret and how she was once beautiful and revered and desired and lived in the sunlight and now she lives in the shadows and has lost her beauty and has been tossed aside… but then the song swells and she remembers that dawn in coming and a new day will begin and her life can begin again… and I’m teary-eyed and sort of defiant and Kory’s all… oh.. ok, honey… thanks for explaining that… trying not to let me see him rolling his eyes…
So, the thing is, Jason’s version was… pretty. But this performance sort of crapped on “Cats” and Andrew Lloyd Webber and musicals in general… and as someone who sang my guts out performing this song many times growing up, you got a little poo on me, too.
Brooke White – “You Must Love Me”
I can’t remember a time when I have been more disappointed by an Idol contestant. Every week I think she will get it together and EVERY WEEK SHE SCREWS IT UP. The song choice was awful. The arrangement was amateurish and had childlike pauses as if she was remembering her finger-placement on the keys or taking a breath.
You must love………ME. You must love…….(find the chord)……ME.
Plunky. Emotionally detached. Nervous. Bad. Bad. Bad.
The start/stop/start over made me actually GASP out loud.
GAAAAAAAAAASP!!
No!
Oh my God, she’s doing it AGAIN! She’s STARTING OVER AGAIN!
For those counting, that is the SECOND time she has stopped at the beginning of a song and started over and I hate it, hate it, hate it… and finally, the judges agreed.
This is what Paula looked like when it was her turn to comment:
Drone Paula was so upset. She even did her patented talk like you have a period after every word – thing.
“You. MUST. NEVER. Start. And. Stop.”
She looked a little ill being that critical of someone, but I was running around the living room with my own pineapple coaster earrings on yelling “HALLELUJAH SISTER!”
Brooke, 3rd strike. You are out. You SHOULD be out. That was way too rookie for this level of the game… but for the record…. I would buy your CD. I will buy it because I do like your voice very much – but it’s time to hang up your Idol shoes.
Random Ricky Schroeder in the audience…
David Archubarfa – “Think Of Me”
Why am I only one that thinks he looks like a Muppet? With his big Grover eyebrows and his fuzzy hair and his BIG WHITE CHICLET TEETH!
Vocally, it wasn’t bad, actually. One of his least annoying performances for me… probably helped somewhat by the fact that I LERVE ME SOME PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
Here’s the thing: He forgot his lyrics, too.
Don’t believe me?
Go back and listen. In the last verse he’s singing along and then all of the sudden it’s
“Imagine me… webeh mefemba.. sussen fuh… mavera shmeh… ONE BY ONE!!!!”
Which, CHRIST ON TOAST, is just. not. acceptable. at. this. stage. of. the. competition.
I hope you’re happy. I’m so upset, I Paula’d.
Random shot of Paul Stanley from Kiss
I told Kory this was the lead singer from Ratt, last night… this morning, when I looked again I realized it was Paul Stanley from Kiss but still couldn’t figure out why he was in the audience. Or why he looked like a Cro-Magnon Tranny. And a little like Cher.
Turns out that he actually played The Phantom for while in Toronto. And Wikipedia says he has done charity work for “individuals with facial differences”. Because he was Phantom and incidentally has his own impairment called Microtia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microtia
I’m not sure that’s his biggest facial issue, but anyway…
Carly Smithson – “Jesus Christ Superstar”
Boy, oh boy, was I worried.
This could have been a trainwreck. Instead it was *shrug*… ok.
I mean, pretty good. I didn’t get excited, but I didn’t hate it. It’s definitely a step in the right direction anyway. The dress was cute, but the black tights were back and ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE BLACK TIGHTS. Her hair was very cute, as well.
It’s just… she still screamed the whole song. It’s just that since it’s Broadway, it sounded right because you really have to belt it out on Broadway. So, it’s not that I think she’s really grown or improved or shown something new… she just found a vehicle for the vein-popping, I’m about to chew your face off, screaming performance that she loves to give.
Her “Better never have to get a desk job” hoooosband:
And… geez… it’s so pathetic… the t-shirt.
How many times has Ricky, the band leader, held on to this shirt for her?
Man. I was embarrassed for her.
David Cook – “Music of the Night”
Um. How do I find the words?
Ok, I peed my pants a little.
:::::::::: deep adoring sigh ::::::::::::
It was just so, so, so, so good. I’m such a Cookie already… but then, he tapped into my love of musical theater and did it SUCH JUSTICE and sang it just the right way, with the right reverence and the right emotion…. and I couldn’t have loved it more unless he was handing me chocolate and money while he sang.
Probably, I’m not exaggerating.
Proof, you say?
Kory took this completely candid picture of me, when David hit that last note:
See the mouth open? And the chest clutching?
I hate the picture, but this is actually what it’s like to watch Idol with me….
Did I mention that Kory is a saint? (and that he took all of this week’s pictures, again?)
Going home: Brooke
Tonight – Idol Goes Green (snore) (I mean, it’s very important!) (I swear, I’m paying attention!) (Zzzzz.)
