November 6, 2008

The post-apocalyptic renegade in me wants to buy this.

Filed under: Deranged Denise,Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — denise @ 12:08 pm


Emergency Food Kit

275 Servings
Weather Proof Bucket

Item # 104893


Basic preparation will impact the probability of your family’s survival in an emergency. Delicious and easy to prepare. Each bucket contains 275 servings of Pre-mixed and Pre-seasoned 100% vegetarian and vitamin fortified food. With a 20 year long shelf life, this kit is perfect for the preparation of natural disasters such as hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes or even for a camping or hunting trip.

  • Easy to Prepare
  • Must have water and a heat source
  • 275 Servings
  • All Meals 100% Vegetarian and Vitamin Fortified
  • Sealed in convenient Weather-Proof bucket for easy transport
  • 30 Servings – Potato Bakon
  • 25 Servings – Corn Chowder
  • 25 Servings – Ala King
  • 25 Servings – Cacciatore
  • 25 Servings – Western Stew
  • 25 Servings – Country Noodle
  • 25 Servings – Rice Lentil
  • 45 Servings – Whey Milk
  • 25 Servings – Blueberry Pancakes
  • 25 Servings – Barley Vegetable
  • Total Weight: 23 lbs.

For best taste and nutritional value, use product before:

20 years of manufacturing date when stored at 60° F (16.6° C)

10 years of manufacturing date when stored at 70° F (21.1° C)

Basic preparation will impact the probability of your family’s survival during an emergency. Especially developed for Costco members, this advanced survival kit was assembled with protection from a wide variety of emergency situations in mind. This complete kit contains items and tools that are recommended in the event of an Earthquake, Pandemic, Wildfire or Displacement Emergency. We hope it never happens, but it’s always best to be prepared.

We suggest adding Emergency Food Kit (Item# 104893) to help complete your disaster preparedness needs for your family or business.


  • 6 Days Food (60 Servings) for 2 Adults
  • Food is 100% Vegetarian with a 20 Year Shelf Life
  • Fruit & Vegetable Dietary Supplements
  • Water Filtration System (100 plus Gallon Capacity)
  • Crank Flashlight/Radio/Cell Phone Charger
  • Survival Multi-Tool
  • Cooking Supplies/Stove/Fuel
  • First Aid Supplies
  • Sanitizer/Matches
  • Emergency Blankets
  • Compass/Whistle/Thermometer
  • 2-N95 Safety Masks
  • 4 Ready-to-Eat Meals (No cooking required)
  • Duct Tape
  • Plastic Sheeting (100 square feet; 3mm thick)
  • 2 Nylon Ropes (20 feet each)
  • Tube Tent
  • Hygiene Kit
  • 4 Hand Warmers
  • 8 Water Pouches
  • 2 pairs Leather Work Gloves
  • Net Weight: 18 lbs.

For best taste and nutritional value, use product before:

20 years of manufacturing date when stored at 60° F (16.6° C)

10 years of manufacturing date when stored at 70° F (21.1° C)

So, for about $200 I could stash this crap in my basement along with the directions to my best friend’s family’s cabin and feel like if nuclear holocaust/alien invasion/world-wide foliage poison attack/ tidal waves caused by global warming/asteroid colliding with earth happened, I’d be at least partially prepared to deal with the situation.

In the past, my loose plan was to race to the grocery store and buy all the cans of canned bread I could find.

The prospect of trying to figure out how to make bread and like, hull wheat and grow yeast and shit was far more daunting than how to locate, trap, kill, and sizzle up a wild pig or somesuch.

I mean, how does one GROW YEAST?  And I don’t want to use the whole “starter dough” situation because many theorists now believe that the Salem Witch Hunts were due in part to women of that day leaving their starter dough on the counter and it growing a form of LSD – which caused hallucinations “witch-ish” behavior and I think we’ll have enough on our hands to deal with, without adding rainbows and melting ceilings to the situation.

I also had a semi-plan to break into the nearest Walgreens and take as many antibiotics/pain killers/anticeptics, etc, as possible because it seems like in every book or movie about such disasters, someone ends up dying from something like pneumonia just because they didn’t have any amoxicillin…. and you know, who wouldn’t feel better in an alien attack with a few Percocets laying around?

I suppose, even with the emergency food packs and crap, I’d probably still want to keep my plans to buy all the canned bread and break into pharmacies.  I could, I suppose, just buy a case of yeast and actually learn how to bake bread – but what if the nuclear winter makes the plants stop growing and all the flour is gone in a few month?  WHAT GOOD WILL THE YEAST BE THEN, I ask you?!

Also, as much Crystal Light as possible.  And batteries.  I feel like batteries are probably a good idea.  Like, tons of those….  and matches.

If it’s Zombies, The Teen has that one covered.  He is our resident zombie expert.  I bought his this book for Christmas:

He’ll be key if that happens, because I took THIS QUIZ and failed miserably.

I also don’t know how to make soap or preserve animal skins (mental note:  add all the Jane Auel “Clan of the Cave Bear books to the survival pile) or… God, what about TOILET PAPER?

[A quick Google check on post-apoclypic toilet paper needs states that leaves are generally a bad idea and that a soft cloth that is washed well and often is best.  Soooo… ew.]

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