deeples

May 22, 2006

10 of many

Filed under: Life — Tags: — denise @ 6:55 pm

10 of many…

There are some things you should just know when you are a grown up. There are hundreds of these somethings… here are just 10 off the top of my head today.

1.If someone invites you to dinner, you should ask if there is something you can bring. If it’s a dinner party, even if the host/hostess says “Just yourself.”, you should still bring a bottle of wine or some flowers.  Always offer to help clear the table and/or help with the dishes.  (If you are the host, thank everyone profusely for anything they bring and any offers to help pick up. Refuse their help unless they are related to you, your best friend or are clearly insisting on helping because they are uncomfortable with the crowd.)

2.Only assholes tailgate.

3. It’s ok to send food back to the kitchen at a restaurant if it’s not prepared properly or simply not good. Do not penalize the server for this. Even though they will virtually always remove this item from your bill – tip them as if they hadn’t.  However, ORDER RESPONSIBLY.  If you have never ordered an item before, ask the server questions about it – focusing on things that will particularly bother you.. i.e. is it spicy? is it salty? is it greasy?  If you don’t ask and you don’t read the description completely, you are a jerk if you send it back.

4. Do not ask people questions and then not listen to their response. If you don’t care what their answer is, do not waste their time asking in the first place.  – That said, “How are you?” should be answered with, “Fine. How are you?”  Acceptable substitutes are, “Ok.”, “Good.” “Not bad”, etc.  A litany of the ways you aren’t well are not in the range of acceptable responses. “How are you?”, is simply an acknowlegment of your existance. It’s not an actual question 99% of the time.

5. Say your sorry when you hurt someone, physically or emotionally – whether it was intentional or not – without exception.

6. If someone is waiting for your parking space in a busy parking lot, HURRY THE HELL UP – I’m not saying scramble and accidently forget your bag or run over a small child — but don’t chat on your cell or look through your CDs. Jesus.

7. Never say something unflattering to a parent about their child or spouse. Even if, especially if, they are ranting about their own child or spouse. Their rantings will be forgotten, your unkind words will not.

8. Do not call someone and say “Who is this?” when they answer the phone. YOU called THEM. You damn well better know who you called. Ask for the person with whom you wish you speak or apologize for mis-dialing.

9. When people loan you things they love – movies, books, CDs, etc – return them. Everyone suffers when people become afraid to share things with other people. Never “re-loan” something someone loaned you. Never loan something that isn’t yours.

10. Cover your mouth when you sneeze.  No exceptions.  If you are in a rare situation where you are, say, carrying a plama TV or a 5-tier wedding cake at the time of said sneeze, you still need to perform a ducking/sneeze into your own shirt maneuver. Armlessness is possibly an exception but only if prothetics have not been purchased.

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