deeples

The Baby…. the poor, poor baby… has had a terrible stomach something for 2 days.  She also has a double ear-infection.  Which they think is causing the vomiting.  The vomiting.  The vomiting. The vomiting. The vomiting. Oh yeah, did I mention the vomiting?

If you have a kid, you’ve been there.  You’ve carried the barf bowl around your house. We are forward-thinkers so we have 2 bowls so that they can be swapped out quickly if needed. Once she pukes in one, if she’s still gagging you try to shove the used bowl in front of her face to catch it, she sees what’s already in it she almost knocks it out of your hands saying, “NO NO NO NO!”

In your terror that you will ACTUALLY DROP THE BOWL OF VOMIT, you miss the next projectile…

So, we’ve learned she needs a fresh, clean bowl to hurl into.  Nothing but the best for our girl.

Really, it’s shocking what a 28 pound baby that HAS NOT EATEN IN 2 DAYS is able to create and orally fling around our house. We’ve all changed our clothes I don’t know how many times. Peeled bedding and blankets off beds and couches, wiped up floors, washed off shoes.

Really, it’s like a baby vomit smart bomb has gone off in our house.

This happened last night:

Kory was carrying the baby into her room to get a diaper and I hear it ………RRRAAALLLLGGG!

Kory: The baby just threw up on me again!

Me: YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE BOWL?!

Kory: … and herself….

Me: DUDE.  THE BOWL?

Kory: I was just getting a diaper. She seemed fine.

Me: SINCE THE LAST TIME SHE THREW UP 10 MINUTES AGO? YOU MUST NOT TRAVEL WITHOUT THE BOWL.

Kory: *sighs heavily*

Me: Here, give her to me.  Has she had anything to drink?

[I must insert, here, that the doctor told us that morning to keep giving her sips of liquid every 10 minutes or so even if she throws it up because she will absorb at least a little and it will help prevent dehydration]

Kory: I’ll give her a sip now. (and he does- a slurp of cold, flat Sprite…also doctor recommended)

Me: Ok – go change your clothes and I’ll hold her.  She doesn’t look too bad, we can just wipe her up this time instead of changing her. It only got her a tiny bit.

[Kory leaves to go get clothes from the dryer, in the basement.]

I’m still in the bedroom wiping her up.

WITHOUT THE BOWL.

…and…. RRRRRAAAAALG!

Not just on me.  Not just on my shirt, but somehow amazingly aimed so that the entire projectile goes down the front of my shirt, into the cup of my bra between my boobs. And it’s COLD.  It’s a puddle of cold ralph.

Me: KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY!!!!!!!!!  HELP!!!!!!!!

Kory: I’m downstairs! (from far away)

Me: I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, DAMMIT! THERE IS BARF RUNNING DOWN MY BOOBS!

The Baby: *face crumpling because I am yelling* Waaaaah!!!

Me: Oh, Monkey.  Mommy’s sorry. I’m sorry, sweetie. This is just really disgusting. It’s not your fault.

Me: Ok, I’m setting her down!!

…RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAALGGGGG!!!.…….

and now, she’s barfed all over herself and the floor…

I rip her shirt off her and my shirt and bra off…  and Kory runs in and that’s when I realize that we are all topless, and sticky with cold flat Sprite baby puke.

“So,” Kory says, correctly sizing up the situation, “I guess you didn’t have the bowl.”