February 26, 2008

American Idol – Top 12 Girls!

Filed under: American Idol,Television — denise @ 1:44 pm

As a whole, I thought the girls were pretty disappointing compared to the guys. But then, as a female I am genetically coded to tear other females down. MUST. FIGHT. MY. DNA. Oh… can’t… hold… on…..

Alaina Whitaker – “More Today Than Yesterday”

Pros: Pretty. Youngest contestant. Quirky Jordan factor.

Cons: Boring. Carrie Underwood did it better. Listen, I know it’s early in the blog to start a rant. I try to ease into it… go slowly… but I really despise the whole sleeve on one arm and no sleeve on the other arm look. The colors in the shirt and the jeans are cute but I hate the sleeves. Pick a look! Sleeves or no sleeves! Get off the fence!

Alexandrea Lushington – “Spinning Wheel”

Pros: Love the song. Love her voice. I’ll tell you this, the baby went TOTALLY APE SHIT when she started singing. She was staring at the TV and yelling at the top of her voice and doing her funny little George Jefferson meets Bill Cosby dance that she does and remained completely riveted for the entire performance. The baby was such a spaz that I had to actually replay this performance to even hear it. So, she for SURE has the baby vote. Ooh! Ooh! And how fun is it to say, “Lushington”?!

Cons: Honey, you must never again dress like Gallagher. Honestly, those suspenders….

Amanda Overmyer – “Baby Please Don’t Go”

Pros: Unusual voice. Distinct in her rockermama-ness. Awesome jeans. I thought she fended off the criticism quite well – she was very “sure”, “whatever” , just kind of nodding her head with a little jerk of her chin like she didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of her. It was a little Leather Tuscadero, really. I was waiting for her to slap her legs two times and make “gun-fingers” at them… and I kind of dig that about her. The only person I wanted to be, growing up, MORE than Leather Tuscadero was…well.. Pinky Tuscadero.

Cons: Please show us something different. I’ve only heard you sing like 3 times and I already feel like I have reached my life time maximum of hearing you sing. Please do something with your hair. The whole color thing, frankly, looks like you have two extremely out of place blond eyebrows.

Amy Davis – “Where the boys are”

Pros: Cute top? Hell, I got nothin’, here.

Cons: Terrible. It actually sort of drains my life force to listen to someone scooooop there way through this song and not ever actually hit the notes. I listened to her slither and slide her way through this song until I was a limp puddle of sorrow on the floor.

Asia’h Epperson – “Take Another Piece of My Heart”

Pros: Cute. Fun. Great song choice. Also, my doctor for many years was Dr. Epperson and I thought he was the bees knees. I used to call him “Doctor E”. Since I am perplexed and flummoxed by names with apostrophes in the them, I will call her “Doctor E”, as well.

Cons: A smidge Rosie Perez. Who, you know, makes me want to punch myself in the face whenever she talks.

Brooke White- “Happy Together”

Pros: Nice voice. Interesting Sophie B. Hawkins- vibe. And yes, I know I’m over-using “vibe”, OK? But I don’t KNOW these people like I will in a few weeks – all I have to make my bitter, catty remarks are VIBES, baby. VIBES.

Cons: Just kill me now with the “I’m so pure you could pound me up into little flakes and make an Ivory soup bar out of me” business. Listen, if you want to live your life without ever drinking or eating fast food or watching HBO or whatever it is you think makes you so unique and clean, I have news for you, sister – MORE FOR ME.

I had this friend a few years ago who liked to brag about the fact that he’d never had a drink, never had caffeine, never smoked, never had sex – all things he was very proud of at the age of 30. I don’t mind admitting that I was not a little disturbed by this news. I had a raging internal debate in which part of me wanted to throw him down and pour a bottle of wine, a cup of coffee and a cigarette in his mouth and the other part of me wanted to step carefully away from him as non-threateningly as possible and escape. I can’t imagine a life without vice and people who can resist them totally freak me out. Sue me.

Carly Smithson – “Shadow of Your Smile”

Pros: She’s magically delicious! Great voice. Very personable. Rockin’ accent.

Cons: The whole previously signed by MCA thing that makes her seem like she isn’t a “found” talent. We all like the fairytale feel of someone just stepping off the street from their job at a car wash and becoming the new Idol. Also, while notable, your tiny little vampire fangs are actually sort of cute.

Joanne Borgella – “I Say A Little Prayer for You”

Pros: Beautiful plus size girl.

Cons: Terrible song choice. I mean, does ANYONE on this planet not wince at the “togethah! forevah! forevah and evah!” part? Also, I do not feel that I should have to tell a MODEL that you must never wear navy blue and black together. Also, no white shoes after Labor Day. Not as applicable in this situation, but equally set in stone. Also, I don’t think anyone named “Joanne” has much of a shot at winning Idol. It’s just not a CD-selling name, really. Then again, I wouldn’t have thought anyone named Fantasia would win, either…. and SPEAKING OF WHICH, have you SEEN her, lately? I’m sorry, but she looks like Pepe L’Pew on crack.

Fantasia when she left as the winner of A.I:


Fantasia today: (I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’…)


Moving on….

Kady Malloy – “Groovy Kind of Love”

Pros: A good song choice. I like the tone of her voice.

Cons: I hardly remember her.

Kristy Lee Cook “Rescue Me”

Pros/Cons: Here’s the thing: Isn’t this the girl from the auditions who was all wild, curly hair and racing around on a horse through the woods and talking about how she lives in a one-room cabin with her dog and a Grizzly Bear named “Ben”? Er… because she is ALSO the one who previously had a record contract, right? And now she looks all, “Hi, I’m Kirsten Dunst when she doesn’t look like ass.” So, who IS she? Which one? Kristy Lee Medicine Woman? Tiffany throw back? Also, she’s one of those KEEP THE TIME BY OPENING AND CLOSING MY HAND ON THE MICROPHONE PEOPLE and those people drive me insane. That is all.

Ramiele Malubay- “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me”

Pros: I love her voice and I didn’t even freak out at the “Belieeeeeeeeeve me” part that people normally slaughter mercilessly. She really nailed it, I thought. She’s tiny and pretty and talented.

Cons: Well, you can imagine how much Spellcheck liked her name. I’m not sure how to say it but it makes me think of marmalade, which is for SURE the black sheep of the jam world… and this isn’t really a CON but – Holy Christian Serriano from Project Runway hair! (Yes, I have successfully worked him into BOTH blogs)

Christian Project Runway (my fave desiner)


Syesha Mercado – “Tobacco Road”

Pros: The first time through, I thought you did a nice job on this song… and I like your exotic look.

Cons: The second time I listened to it… YEEPS. It was a pitchy, wobbly mess. I was all prepared to forgive your “Oh poor me I’m so sick with bronchitis I have to carry around a wipe board to communicate with my peeps” crap – mostly because I, too, had a raging bout of bronchitis a few weeks ago and it really does kick your ass. But, you know, now I not only don’t forgive you, but I’ve got my eye on you. Vast improvement necessary.

For the record, the only acceptable time one can carry around a sign to write on is if one lives in the wilds of Montana and has a stroke. If confused, see “Legends of the Fall”.

Who should have gone home: Kady and Amy

Who did go home: Amy and Joanne

Tonight — 70’s NIGHT!

1 Comment »

  1. Yaaaaayyyyy! I was afraid there would be no American Idol recaps this year. 🙂

    Comment by Krista — February 28, 2008 @ 3:45 pm

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