A little quiz.
Which was more disturbing to my husband Kory?
A. When my daughter worked his entire jump drive into a full can of Diet Mountain Dew
B. When my daughter pooped in the bathtub and then lifted her tiny hands out of the bubbles and handed the turd to him, which he took – not realizing it wasn’t a toy.
Which was more distrurbing to me?
A. Scott “Blind Guy” on American Idol’s creepy mullet/perm and mini-vampire fangs.
B. Scott “Blind Guy” on American Idol’s lack of talent and horrible, smarmy Barry Manilow bullshit song choices that make me cringe and then feel bad because my years of diversity training make it VERY DIFFICULT to effectively make fun of this guy.
Which was most disturbing to The Teen?
A. Having a pregnant mom with diarrhea in a house with ONLY ONE BATHROOM.
B. Closing the bathroom door and finding his pregnant mom’s underpants hanging off the hook on the back of the door, after she forgot them there while showering. PLUS SIZE MATERNITY UNDERPANTS.
Which was the most disturbing to The Toddler?
A. No more stickers.
B. Seriously, there are no more stickers. I know you can not fathom living another moment in a world without stickers. Lots of stickers. Flower stickers. Easter stickers. Fairy stickers. Pooh stickers. Mickey Mouse stickers. WHY EVEN BREATHE IF THERE ARE NO STICKERS?!!!!